Fearing The Bully

Fearing The Bully

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“We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.”    Jim Morrison

“A nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people.”    John F. Kennedy

“Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.”    Marianne Williamson

 Many people may say they do not fear anything and they speak up when they have to, defend themselves and worry about nothing in particular. We are not discussing phobias. We are discussing all of the fears or worries that go into daily living. I can guarantee that likely ninety-five percent of the population is fearful of something or even someone. I am not a statistician and I have no graphs or statistics to prove my theory, other than the hurts and doubts we all admit experiencing every day of our lives.

At a young age, we begin our secret life of anxiety. Parents inadvertently teach us the ways of our society. Bullies are created and honored. The baby bully gets the toy that he grabs when his mom or dad allows it to happen and does not retrieve the toy and give it to the child who originally had it. When we give the baby who lost the original toy a supplemental toy, we are feeding a current epidemic of bullying.As toddlers mature into school age children they grab and take what they want from other children. These kids are fearful of the bully and refrain from challenging them. The bully wins again. Others fear the bully and worry about getting hit. They don’t want to be seen as a baby or a tattletale. When children are allowed to get what they want from others by a disregard for the rules, bullies are immersing. Parents must think about teaching their children the kinder way to gain things.

The bully wins and controls the school yard. The teacher’s hands are tied by the administration, and by parents. Little bullies grow into adult bullies. Now adults fear other adults who they work with or socialize with. If our friend is a bully it benefits us. Our attachment to fear is perhaps more universal and profound than any of us have ever deeply thought.If you never experience any of these forms of fear then I congratulate you for your knowledge of the meaning and purpose of life. To the rest of us, we need to let fear evaporate so that we can begin to enjoy what really matters.

Fear consumes a huge part of our lives. We all fear so many things that they are too numerous to count. Meetings with relatives at holiday time are always fearful. We want the right look, the right words, and we want to project the right meaning. We worry if our gift to them is appropriate. The meaning behind the gift we receive from them can be a puzzle. We ponder another’s remarks or jokes or slights. We tense at another person’s body language and question a person’s mood. We ask, “Is it my fault?”

There certainly is a problem here. We are not in the moment. We are definitely not enjoying ourselves. We are almost being selfish in a sense because we are so caught up in the relationship another person has with us that we actually miss the reality around us.
To question everyone and everything is distrust. Fear is distrust no matter what the object or person. When we are enjoying the present then there is no room for fear. Judgment goes hand in hand with fear. If everyone chooses to refrain from judging another then we presumably will live without our anxieties.

If we think we are being judged, fear rises to the surface. Likewise, if we are judgmental, then we most likely expect that others are rating us in some way. Getting rid of our anxieties about the assessments others make about us may get rid of our qualms. So what if we look older, plumper, poorer, richer, angrier, incompetent, crazy, lost and a zillion other negative attributes. Take a moment to reflect. Criticisms never cheer us up so maybe we need to give up the way we view others.

Sensing the judgments of others conquers us because we believe others see the truth or will label us with assessments that we have no control over. If all of us made a pact to stop our opinions of others we could stop many fears. That means that those of us who like to spread gossip and listen to gossip mongers would have to stop and let it go. By admitting it’s detrimental to the others we are concluding its’ ill effect on ourselves. We have created a winning situation.

It’s not easy but people might be more relaxed and enjoy the get together more often. They might have a fantastic time if they felt no one noticed their extra pounds, extra wrinkles, last year’s clothes, gorgeous jewelry, (yes we criticize those with more money) louder voice due to our frustrations, or recent hearing problems, craziness due to our burdens, and tremendous work load and repetition from our temporary or permanent taxing life of indecision.  We could be ourselves at all times. We would not have to act differently with anyone or at certain places. Maybe some solutions might even come through for us or, we may be able to solve another person’s problems.

Issues would be out in the open for all to see rather than hidden from the world. All of us would be able to help each other in moments of depression. In the perfect world of course we could all be happy. If we all attempted a tiny bit we would be a tiny bit closer to an awesome new world.

“It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”

“As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”    Marianne Williamson

“My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,’ the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.”

“Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” Paulo Coelho


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