“This is my simple religion. There is no need for temples; no need for complicated philosophy. Our own brain, our own heart is our temple; the philosophy is kindness.” Dalai Lama
“We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection.” Dalai Lama
What prevents us from moving forward is all the hidden hurts we tuck away into every corner of our minds and hearts. When these hurts occupy so much of our hearts it is extremely difficult to get over them and be in the present. We tend to review them over and over whenever they are brought to mind by a similar incident or when the person who caused the hurt is present.
As time passes we rework the issues whichever way we desire to rectify the hurts we experienced. Most likely we are not aware of how we change the actual reality of our pain. That is the problem with maintaining a place for our sufferings. When we refuse to let them go and we replay them again, each time they evolve into something a tiny bit different than the time before.Let’s face it we tend to view things according to our own standards and way of thinking. Whenever two people are asked to review an incident chances are they see it through their own scope and their opinions are different. The incident may be recognizable but what one sees as helpful another might view as controlling.
Events never take into consideration our moods character and stresses at the time of the occurrence. That is okay except for the fact that sometimes we hold onto these happenings for a lifetime. In a way they become obstacles to our lives that prevent us from moving forward. If we keep these matters constantly in focus, we are technically not always dealing with current concerns wholeheartedly.
In another sense we are holding a grudge which maintains a wedge between us and the other party. I believe so many of us do this all the time and that we are not even aware of our plight. We keep building up walls against others shutting them out because of some presumed harm. It can be an extended period of time that we are ostracized from each other. Having a strong sense of pride we maintain our dignity at the cost of our bonds of love. In the end we often fail to forgive.
It is sad that we will never try to make peace with each other. We choose to believe we are solely in the right and therefore we impatiently wait for the apology that of course rarely comes. Perhaps the lack of remorse on both sides is due to the fact that each believes the other guiltier than themselves. Time cements our beliefs and makes them stronger. It never registers with us that we have begun to embellish the actuality of the offenses.
The loss is the bonds of affection. We lose touch and without realizing it the years pass by. Each suffers in their own way. By not having understanding for the incidences that happened we lack the knowledge of our culpability in the matter. We have the power to alleviate pain. Probably we have unnecessarily caused suffering to this person who carries the wounds on their sleeves. By being attentive and forgiving, we make it possible for another person to get on with their lives. By choosing to stand strong in our own argument we inadvertently cause another to dwell inside their pain perhaps for a lifetime.
It may appear to be larger than it is but the truth is that we do cause others a living hell whether or not we want to believe it. I don’t feel any of us signed up for this but regardless it happens. It occurs because we never see things with the same eyes. That may be why kids in the same family have a different take on transpiring situations. A move to one can be an exciting adventure but to another a painful lonely loss. If we don’t take the time to think about it we can’t ever come to terms with each other, or our beliefs. We will continually think we are correct and they are to blame.
I am not accusing anyone. None of us truly wants to cause pain for another especially those who are people we care about. We must recognize the agony we perhaps activate, when we distance ourselves from someone we care about and who cares about us. We need to reflect on the various reasons it might have happened. The most difficult part of this is finding within ourselves to be strong enough to admit our own share in the dilemma. Perhaps that is all that is needed for the other person to be able to advance from the problem.
Some of us can go on regardless of situations that come and go in our lives. Most of us can become entrenched in past happenings that make us unable to live in the present. It appears to be a waste of a life. I don’t think any of us want to contribute to a person’s mission of wasting their lives. It is necessary for us to acknowledge another person’s pain. If we hold the key to alleviate the hurt then it is essential and ethical for us to cooperate.
The strange part is, and I state this from experience, most of us may not comprehend the ways we have caused wounds to others. What we may perceive as a joke is a total wounding. We suppose another who is quiet is a snob. I have heard others say just that. These erroneous statements gain a life of their own. I remember another person telling me one time, how stupid they always felt. It was shocking to me when I actually considered them very intelligent. I could hardly believe they actually felt that way. It made me realize that our opinions of ourselves are not always as positive in the eyes of others. We all need and deserve a boost in our confidence. Pride is so easy to destroy.
The matter is so many of us hide our thoughts and scars so carefully. The first clue may simply be the escape. We run away from each other when we are in pain. In truth we should be running towards each other. Attempt to understand that the way you are looking at a dispute may be completely different from the way another sees it. If there is estrangement in your relationships, attempt a discussion and reconciliation. I guarantee it will be difficult but definitely worth it. Resolve to admit your own poor judgments and actions. Accept some blame, at least some of the unintentional suffering you may have caused.
Moving forward and releasing the impairments still lingering in the shadows of your mind and heart will give you room for present involvement. If another chooses to avoid the damage they caused you, then find it in your own soul to alleviate the suffering which is not serving you anymore. See the past in a different perspective and let go of the distressful memory. Release yourself from your own prison and live your life to the fullest. You have the power within yourself to pick yourself up. Sometimes the person who injured us is not even aware of the damage they have done. If you can forgive them you will help yourself by unlocking your own prison.
“I believe that the very purpose of life is to be happy. From the very core of our being, we desire contentment. In my own limited experience I have found that the more we care for the happiness of others, the greater is our own sense of well-being. Cultivating a close, warmhearted feeling for others automatically puts the mind at ease. It helps remove whatever fears or insecurities we may have and gives us the strength to cope with any obstacles we encounter. It is the principal source of success in life. Since we are not solely material creatures, it is a mistake to place all our hopes for happiness on external development alone. The key is to develop inner peace.” Dalai Lama
“All major religious traditions carry basically the same message, that is love, compassion and forgiveness … the important thing is they should be part of our daily lives.” Dalai Lama