Confusion

How is your life going? It appears I have said, “When things settle down, I will accomplish much.”  more times than I can count,  The problem is, things never settle down but are allows in a state of chaos. It seems I must live with this idea, or pretend there is serenity in the near future. I am sot sure why most of my life appears to be mixed up, but I have lived it this way for so long that it is all I know. The pot of something must be at the end of the rainbow.I decided to dwell on this and made another conclusion. The only time I can meditate, is when I am falling asleep at night. I try and sometimes I am successful at keeping myself alert, for a short while. Of course many times sleep takes over quickly. Why is it we have lost the ability to relax. Then we fool ourselves into believing that at some future date in time, everything will change and we will find peace.

Perhaps when we find some quiet free moments, we tend to fill them up with more actions. We are almost jubilant to discover we have a few hours, to do what we want. Of course we never choose quiet contemplation. We simply keep busy. It is probably like being addicted to constant movement. To relax almost feels boring as well as giving us a sense of laziness. Our culture adores the achiever of anything.

All we  need to do is inquire about the tremendous amount of awards available,  to anyone who can do  anything. The bubble blower or pie eating person may just set a record. Whatever record any of us attain, makes us proud. Obviously we have not meditated enough on what perhaps denotes a worthwhile effort on our part. Is it the glory that drives us, or the one instance of fame?

We must ask ourselves, what are our goals, and why did we make them our goals. Most likely we have numerous goals in case some fails. It seems necessary to attain goals, in order to feel accomplished. But then what does it mean, to be fulfilled. I am questioning the analogy between what we choose as goals, and our constant scurrying and initiation of new goals. We anxiously achieve our objectives, and then we create new ambitions to work towards.

In this mess, I know, I for one, sense I am going around in circles, and not really accomplishing anything worthwhile. The silly items I yearn for, or actions I take to please others, seem futile. I am number one with someone, as soon as I do something for them. However, number one is short lived, as I am immediately ignored when I haven’t anything to give to this same person. It appears almost a useless activity for me. I must do things for others unconditionally.

If I am looking to be first place with anyone, I should give up the challenge instantly. There is no first place, lasting glory, or benefits of any kind that last longer than a blink of the eye. You see we are all striving for the honor and appreciation, but it doesn’t ever come. Perhaps most of us are too busy striving towards other objectives, so we forget about those kindnesses that were rendered to  us along the way. Our schedule is loaded with perhaps nonsense, but who is going to tell us that.

We live in a world of heroes, and seekers of honor. We all want to count for something, best somebody or at the least, be important to someone. Many of us never get any of it right down to the broken marriages and dissolved relationships. Spouses can’t keep it together, siblings probably tolerate each other, parent child relationships perhaps are strained and friendships decay quickly while new ones begin. Our need of refinement and connectedness is vital. Many or most people resolve loneliness, by instigating another relationship.

I believe in connectedness and bonds. They are what make the world and life relevant. Sometimes I just feel that we don’t spend enough time working on what we have attained. Instead we drop it, and move to the next conquest. It appears we suffer at the hands of our own schedule. Probably it materializes as more work to keep a relationship intact, than we want to give the relationship. Maybe it occurs to be easier to let the current one drop, and move forward to the next.

It boils down to learning how to appreciate and hold dearly to heart, those unexplainable senses that emerge from our being, and somehow provide us with the serenity, we are searching for. If we take the time and initiative to discover these priceless people, we may understand what goals and objectives have already manifested for us. In our search, we have a constant desire to do better, find better discover more, and be greatly fulfilled. In the meantime, we overshadowed truth.

We all need love, respect and serenity in our lives. Perhaps we assume it is just over the next horizon, only to be disappointed again. Most likely it has more to do with our attitude of bigger and better, than to the honesty of what is in front of us that is immeasurable. If we could only put on the brakes, if only for a short time, we might be able to view our surroundings with new eyes.

We can’t keep tossing people away, without thought or reflection. They perhaps are our treasures not yet discovered. We become too busy with scheduling and surface searching for something new and exciting. It is time to ask ourselves what we value. If it is love, then take a look at those people in your life with new eyes. I tossed many people aside until it  dawned on me one day, how much they had given to me, that made my life worthwhile. The petty nonsense that caused me to let them go, practically hit me with full force. The injustice I was handing out was preposterous. Upon making restitution, I became whole again, and had a deeper understanding of the meaning of love. It makes unconditional demands on a person.

We are never totally fulfilled by others. Contentment must be found within ourselves. We are never without issues to solve or resolve. On any given day we can make resolutions, objectives and goals. Some are playful while others should be soulful. The more we stretch ourselves to become more than we ever thought was attainable, the more at peace we become with ourselves. We  might begin with searching for glory, and end up with accepting with gratitude, the serenity that comes with our connections and love for the people in our lives. The honest truth is, we have to make the time to reflect on what we have. That alone calms our life and affords us peace.

“The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”    Rumi

“Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.”    Rumi

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift, and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.”    Albert Einstein

“I always wanted to win the lottery. But tonight I looked around at my beautiful family and realized I already have!”    Anonymous