Portrait of smiling senior woman sitting on exercise mat at gym. Friends are talking in background at health club. She is wearing sports clothing.
When we refuse to judge others, we express love and compassion. Love does not mean we become passive and allow others to abuse us. It is quite the contrary.
Compassion is not weak but strong. It allows us to see where the suffering in the world arises. People can irritate us every day with their silly antics. We may think a compassionate heart means we are to ignore the irritations and allow others to walk all over us.
Some people do and say mean things, while others are coerced into remaining tolerant. One’s tolerance level can be commendable, but there lies the secret. Enduring a constant onslaught of trivial complaints leads one to resent the issues people complain about. This may happen when we judge in secrecy.
Convert Confrontations to Compromise
The revelation of private judgements took me by surprise one day. Outwardly, we keep most of our opinions to ourselves. We may join a discussion but attempt to remain neutral for the sake of keeping peace and refrain from hurting someone’s feelings.
There are times when our disagreements turn into a confrontation due to strong viewpoints. This allows one to stand firm in their convictions. However, it makes it difficult to bend. Blessed are those who can bend. Continue reading →
There are many reasons why a mother- and a daughter-in-law are quiet or reserved around each other. At times, people overstep the boundaries others have set up for them. That causes one party to be angry with the other.
The resentment occurs when we believe someone has unrightfully entered our space and we want justice. Sometimes that can mean atonement.
None of us think about the times when we tread on others, but if it happens to us it becomes a different and powerful story. It can lead one down the path of unreasonable behavior and sometimes revenge.
When Mothers-In-Law Say Too Much
Have you ever gone to a party and spoken your mind? Did you later regret some of what you said? The words that mothers-in-law use are sometimes loaded with an instructive, controlling tone.
They don’t mean to sound this way, but mothers have been teaching their offspring for so many years that it is difficult to stop all the advice at once. Yet, stopping is what must be done if one is to keep peace and allow their son to be liberated.
Daughters-in-law resent most – or all – unwanted advice and don’t want to be told they are wrong. In all actuality, nobody likes to be told they are wrong.
As hard as it is, the mother-in-law must learn to let her adult children make their own way, even if to her it is plain clear that they are making mistakes.We can’t keep our adult children from each and every mistake no matter how hard we try. It is important, therefore, to let go and allow them to live their life the way they choose. Nothing will irritate a daughter-in-law more than interfering with her and her husband’s business.
We all find it so easy to blame others when a relationship fails. If we could read our daughter-in-law’s mind, we would likely find she is blaming us for the uneasy atmosphere.
The truth is, both parties sabotage the relationship when they assume, judge and expect certain things to happen. Getting off to a bad start makes everyone uneasy.
Both women discover their confidence wanes, and the relationship situation is eroding, but no one tries to fix it. The tension is strong, and both women are lost in their own thoughts. Before the night is over, they speak cordially but make brief contact with each other.
It is easy to get caught up in the drama which serves nobody and adds to the confusion. Here are 5 ways to deal with the mother- and daughter-in-law “elephant in the room.”
Transform Emotional Distance into Positive Interactions
At times, both women can simply be misguided in their thoughts and judgements of a situation. That is the best kept secret. Neither woman wants to upset the elephant in the room, so neither discusses any real issues or problems they have. Mothers- and daughters-in-law have individual fears, as well as desires. Continue reading →
Have you ever noticed that when you have a sense of confidence and self-worth your sense of self is enhanced and you feel and see things more deeply? It feels like you can conquer the world.
Young people, especially children, leap from all kinds of heights having faith in their ability to do the impossible and land on their feet. Many times they are successful as adults look on in astonishment and thankfulness that they didn’t break any bones in their efforts.
What is it that makes children overflow with confidence in their ability to do whatever it is they imagine? When did we replace our confidence with insecurity? How do we get back our confidence as we age through life and living?
Those Days of Insecurity
When we are sad it feels like we don’t know which way to go or what to do. The lost feeling creeps in and we begin to question every decision we make. Not only that, but we doubt so many of our past decisions that we think contaminate every area of our lives.
Most of our decisions are final and there is no going back. We question our choice of a life partner because they don’t live up to our expectations. We expected to gain a supporter and cheerleader along with a shoulder to cry on, but that didn’t happen. We receive a lot less than that and wonder how our life may have been different. Continue reading →
Are you trying to improve your relationship with your daughter-in-law? Do you want to create a better understanding and reduce tension? If these are a few of the questions that frequently enter your mind, then read on for some answers.
Mothers Are Always Mothers
I’d like to attempt to answer the question about why there is tension within the relationship. Mothers are always mothers, even when they become grandmothers. When our son marries, we often feel relegated to the back seat, second place and total background of his life. The sad truth is that this is the way life unfolds and it is a natural, necessary process. We cannot change this and must accept it. Continue reading →
Do you want to understand your mother-in-law or daughter-in-law then read my new book “THE PRINCESS AND THE QUEEN”. It is a unique book with universal appeal for all women. The book uncovers the secrets of the relationship. It spans two generations and will bring comfort and insight long after the wedding is over. Brides, mothers-in-law and bridal party as well as people marred many years will discover ways to improve their relationship. Continue reading →
“You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward.” Aubrey O’Day
“The man who insists upon seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. Accept life, and you must accept regret.” Henri Frederic Amiel
“We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow.” Fulton Oursler
Wow but when I look back on what happened up to this point in time, I can see the numerous mistakes I made. I just can hardly believe I am guilty, of the huge number of horrible choices. I am ashamed at the things I didn’t say and didn’t do. I am also embarrassed for the occasions I did say and do things, I shouldn’t have said or done. I can’t believe I was capable of such behavior, but it is staring me right in the face. If I could go back, I would change so much. Continue reading →
“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wayne Dyer
We either hate change or fear it. One thing is for sure it is always around us. No matter what the age, changes are certain. When we are young we don’t care about it because we all want to be bigger fast. There are a lot of first challenges and we look forward to those. Parents seem to like having their kids transform quickly into self-sufficient adults. Continue reading →
“The mind is everything. What you think you become.” –Buddha
“I choose to live by choice not by chance, to be useful not used, to make changes not excuses, to excel not compete, to be motivated not manipulated, I choose self-esteem not self pity, I choose to listen to my inner voice, not to the random opinion of others.” Unknown
Common Sense is that which judges the things given to it by other senses. Leonardo da Vinci
From what I can tell many people don’t use their common sense. I believe we all have it but because we don’t trust our inner senses it drops deeper and deeper into the recesses of our brains. Instead of just reacting we need to reason and include our hearts in all of the deductions. There is so much sentiment involved in any decision and we may brush it aside due to our fear. Continue reading →
“The formative period for building character for eternity is in the nursery. The mother is queen of that realm and sways a scepter more potent than that of kings or priests.” ~Author Unknon
Mothers and daughters begin with the closest friendship. There are many times the dad might feel pushed aside. Within a few years, as the girls approach their teen years the trouble begins. I think at first moms attempt to deal with it as they encounter the hurts from their daughters. If or when it continues for a longer time the father usually steps in and the problems expand. All of this takes a toll on the mother especially. Solving the dilemma will take patience, love, a listening ear, open mind and loving heart along with a firm attitude. Continue reading →